Demonspawn that is Twilight

Bully: I'm gonna PUNCH YOUR FACE IN after class!

Kid: (sweating and terrified)

Friend: Wanna see the new Twilight movie after class?

Kid: Can't. I'm getting my face punched in!

Kid: (happy beyond words)

From the brilliant Cyanide & Happiness

'Nuff said.

Review: The Gathering Storm by Robert Jordan with Brandon Sanderson (Book)

*potential spoilers. beware*

Wow. Just wow. There are no words that can explain just my sheer...amazement at just how wonderful this book is. It grips you and just doesn't let you go, even at the end, which is just beyond intense.

I have been an avid reader of The Wheel of Time series since my dad came home from a business trip one day with The Eye of the World in hand, saying it's something I would probably be interested in. I wasn't all for the idea of being told to read something that wasn't my idea in the first place, but I eventually read it. And it was just AMAZING!

I then continued to read all the novels that had been out at the time. Now, this is no kiddy trilogy or whatever. This series spans 12 novels so far, with 2 more on the way. In case you're wondering, here's a list of both the ones currently out with the last two coming out in the next two years:

1. The Eye of the World
2. The Great Hunt
3. The Dragon Reborn
4. The Shadow Rising
5. The Fires of Heaven
6. Lord of Chaos
7. A Crown of Swords
8. The Path of Daggers
9. Winter's Heart
10. Crossroads of Twilight
11. Knife of Dreams
12. The Gathering Storm
13. Towers of Midnight
14. A Memory of Light

If you're an avid fantasy reader, but haven't read these godsend creations yet YOU OUGHT TO BE ASHAMED YOU FUCKING LITTLE SHIT! YOU CALL YOURSELF A FANTASY READER?!?!?!? I OUGHT TO CASTRATE YOU!!!!!!11!!!!

ahem. Anyways, the novels really are just wonderful and full of multiple plotlines, intricate plans and just plain awesomeness.

Suffice it to say, when Robert Jordan died, I died a little inside. The world really had lost a wonderful author. Luckily for us, he had kept good on his word to continue writing until the day they nailed shut his coffin. He had left pages and pages of notes for the final book in the series, originally entitled "A Memory of Light."

Robert Jordan had promised that he would tie up all plot threads in this final book, but I was skeptical. Any reader would know that that would make this book one of the largest and longest books in existence. There were too many plot threads to tie up in one book. So it came to no surprise to me when it was decided by his wife to split the last novel into three different novels. And I was glad when the project was taken up by Brandon Sanderson.

Now, I have never even heard of this Brandon fellow before, but I was hopeful. He seemed to know what he was doing, at least, so I just had to wait and see.

The series had a rather bumpy road. I'm pretty sure the story was originally conceived as a trilogy of sorts, but it just grew and grew from there. However, around book 7, the series hit a kind of slump. It was one of the slumps where it seemed like absolutely nothing happened! It was strange! I still loved the series, but I had to admit, with the end of the world coming as quickly as they kept saying it was in the books, I didn't think it take this long to come by!

But Knife of Dreams reassured me that the series was not dead. Right off the bat, shits starts going down! And oh, I was just soooooo happy!

Same thing for The Gathering Storm! Shit actually happens! Stuff actually gets done! And the main character finally stops being a dick! He actually laughs! I was so happy! It was about fucking time! Any WoT fan must buy this book immediately!

But for people who haven't read it and are interested, it is in your best interest to start from the beginning. My friend tried to read it from book 8 and he was just lost. You really need to read it straight from the beginning to understand it. And even then, you might have questions. So you should probably ask someone who knows the series. Like me, or whatever.

In short, I love it and I simply cannot put that down into words, thus the crappy review that just doesn't come close to my feelings for it. In other words, I will be returning to my catatonia. The awesomeness was just...mind blowing.

Cheers.