Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Blind Guardian Set List

Just got back from Blind Guardian. It was epic. Beyond epic. Here's a rundown of the songs they played:

  1. Sacred Worlds
  2. Welcome to Dying
  3. Born in a Mourning Hall
  4. Nightfall
  5. Fly
  6. Time Stands Still (At the Iron Hill)
  7. Traveler in Time
  8. Punishment Divine
  9. Lord of the Rings
  10. A Voice in the Dark
  11. And Then There Was Silence
Encore:
  1. Wheel of Time
  2. The Bard's Song - In the Forest
  3. Valhalla
  4. Mirror, Mirror
  5. Barbara Ann
That's right. The last song they played was a metal cover of Barbara Ann by the Beach Boys...Night

Sunday, December 12, 2010

The Road to Rammstein

It began Wednesday, December 8, 2010. I was diligently working on my Film Studies final (snort, yeah right) when I received a text message from my friend Emily Bunner and it was as simple a text message as you can get: it asked "Do I like Rammstein?" Now, I was no stranger to Rammstein. I was first introduced to them when I saw them playing in the beginning of that Vin Diesel movie (the one where he does all those stunts and stuff). Anyways, I'm pretty sure everyone knows their song "Feuer Frei (bang, bang)." I mean, how can you not? At the same time, I had only heard two of their songs, the one I mentioned before and their song "Du Hast." So, this is what I told her (more or less).

She then proceeded to tell me that they were playing a concert and I was invited to go. So I said fine, without even thinking. It's been a while since I've been to a metal concert and I've been aching to go to one (well, Blind Guardian is playing next week so I guess that counts but still). So I say yes and she begins to explain the situation.

Apparently, a friend of hers was a huge fan of Rammstein and needed someone to go with her because her friend who was supposed to go apparently bailed. And since she knew I loved heavy metal, she thought of me and texted me. Now, to be on someone's mind immediately brightened my day and I listened intently for the details. She continued by saying that I wouldn't need to buy a ticket, it'd be on Saturday night and her mother would be driving them from Harrisonburg to New York City and back and...

Wait, what? The concert was all the way in New York City? Seriously? I immediately checked when they'll be back because I had a final on Monday that I needed to go to BWHAAHAHAHAHA I'm joking that final doesn't count for sh!t. But still! I had a final due on Wednesday that I needed to both study for and work on. Emily answered by saying that they would leave on Sunday morning back to Harrisonburg. Suffice it to say, I was in a bit of a pickle. Should I go to a Rammstein concert all the way in New York City or not? .52 seconds later, I said yes. It wasn't really that big of a decision.

So now the problem was this: I was going to a heavy metal concert with a girl I had never met before in my life. So, Emily gave me the girl's name and number and I did the next sensible thing: I texted a random girl instead of call her. Yeah, I'm manly like that (rolls eyes). She texted me back and I was pleasantly surprised to learn she was a pretty nice girl. Through text, I mean. Anyways, I proceeded with the next phase of Operation: Rammstein Concert and friended this girl named Eden Parks on FaceBook. My first thought was that she had lovely, curly hair that looked like they could spring if I pulled on them. Looking back, I forgot to do that.

Anyways, we started making plans to meet up so it wouldn't be a awkward first meeting when she rolls up to my apartment to pick me up at 8:00 in the morning on Saturday. We thought about meeting up to see The Warrior's Way on Friday night (because I appear to be one of two people in the United States that liked that movie). That fell through however, so we decided to just meet at the Barnes 'n' Nobles Friday night around 5. First of all, I had no idea that people still used Barnes 'n' Nobles as a meeting point. That was another pleasant surprise. I guess this entire adventure was just full of pleasant surprises.

Anyways, Thursday night, I was working my @ss off on my Film Studies final. Eventually, I was up till 5:30 am working on it and then I had class at 10:05 so I got little sleep. As soon as I got home on Friday, I went straight to sleep, keeping in mind that I had to meet Emily and Eden at BnN at 5pm. When I woke up, my music on my laptop was still blaring, my cell phone was rining and it was 5:40. F**************CK!!!!!!!!!

So, I rushed down that street to BnN, still bleary eyed from sleep. Not exactly a good first impression on a girl when you're late (giggity). Still, I got there and I finally met Eden., who was with Emily. We said two words and we moved on like it wasn't that big a deal. After we exchanged pleasantries, we moved around the BnN, looking at books, manga and graphic novels. That entire time was basically just the two of us getting to know each other, I guess, since she was going to take me to the concert. Still, I learned she liked manga as well, though we never really talked about it.

Anyways, we went to a nearby pizza shop and we talked about god knows what, I forget. Just small talk as we got to know each other. Made her laugh so that was a good sign. Overall, I was feeling good about the entire affair. She was nice, I was trying my darndest to be nice so it all worked out. Emily and I went back to her place and we hung out for a little longer, just talking, looking at YouTube videos, watching Emily hit on Eden a little and overall, it was a nice experience (totally jk-ing).

Anyways, I went back to my aparment, packed up some and went straight to sleep, but I was still a little too excited to sleep. Not only was I going to New York City, the Big Apple to see Rammstein, I was going to it with a girl and her mom who I had never met before (I should say this: the reason her mom was going with us is because Eden's car was too "sketchy" to drive. Her words, not mine).

So, I woke up the next morning promptly at 6:30. Thinking I was awake, I turned off the alarm clock and sat in my bed. Next thing I know, I open my eyes and it's 7:40. Don't know how that happened. Anyways, I'm cursing and yelling as I'm shooting for the shower. I'm taking a shower and fighting off my dozing-off-in-the-shower tendencies that I'm infamous for (just ask my family). I shoot out at 8:00 precisely and get changed, throw some clothes in my backpack, my laptop, throw my charger for both my laptop and my cellphone, and finally my mix cds for the ride. By this time, she has texted me that she's on her way over and my phone just died. Great.

She arrives and I grab my bag, my pillow for sleeping in the car and I head down to the car. It's a small, silver jeep that I can't remember what make and model. It looked like a jeep though so there. I hop in and I greet her mother with that devilish charm I'm known for. She seemed like a nice, lovable lady and we head off into the rising sun, heading north on I-81. That's when the mother realized that she had left a book she had wanted to read at home and was debating whether or not she would get it. Eden said one thing very simply:

"If you choose to go get it, you'll have to speed the rest of the way." This girl was into her Rammstein. So anyways, we make a U-turn and head back to her house, which takes about 10 minutes or so. Her mother runs back into the house and comes back with her beloved book in about 2 minutes and we were off again!

Now, it is at this point that I reveal my mix CDs to her, which Eden looked through to see if there was anything the car might like. Since she started my "Sexy Females Mix" CD the night before, she put that one in first and we listened to the soft songs of Epica, Within Temptation and Nightwish. It's at this point that I realize, surprisingly, that her mother was a metalhead just like her. Or at least, she listened to metal a lot with her daughter. That was yet another pleasant surprise on this journey.

As we listen to our CDs, I'm just dozing off on my pillow, sleeping to the wonderful sound of heavy metal. When I woke up again, we were in Pennsylvania and I was in for yet another pleasant surprise. The trip to New York City would only take a grand total of 5 hours...that's right, only 5 hours from Harrisonburg to New York City. I dont' know about you guys, but that surprised me. NYC just seems like this big, humongous place that just seems so far away from where we were. To learn that it's only 5 hours away was a surprise to me.

The rest of the ride was uneventful really. We just listened to some Rammstein (I didn't realize it was Rammstein until the ride was over). So, we arrived in Newark, New Jersey where we would check into a hotel. The hotel was literally right down the street from Penn Station New Jersey, which we would get on to get to Penn Station New York so we could go to Madison Square Garden. Oh! Another pleasant surprise! We would be going to Madison Square Garden to see them perform! That was awesome! Here's another surprise! Eden only got her hands on tickets for the disabled. Yup, she got handicap tickets. She had brought her grandfather's cane along to go along with the act. So, for two hours before we left, she practiced her limp while I sat in the corner, laughing my @ss off and her mother was shouting tips.

Anyways, we decided to head over to Penn Station early for two reasons: so we could purchase our tickets early and so Eden's mother knew where it was so she could pick us up later. So, she drops us off and we head into the station to get information on the train we need to go on to get to Penn Station New York. After we learned what we needed to, we proceeded to go to the ticket booth and purchase our tickets. To get from where we were to where we needed to go was around 5 dollars, and since I only had a 20, I used that to pay the train ticket. And then it did something really strange. Instead of giving me a 10 and a 5 as change, it instead gave me 15 Sacajawea dollars. You know, those golden coins? I was so confused because I now had 15 Sacajawea dollars and I honestly didn't know if anyone still took them! Like, could I use these in a vending machine or something?

After this, we went back to the hotel to have a quick dinner and to get ready. I got changed into a t-shirt with red marking and I left my stuff behind, except for my cell-phone and my 15 dollars/coins. We returned to the train station and we were off to see Rammstein! Yay! She with her cane and pretending to be handicapped and me with my smexy long black hair. Yeah, it was pretty epic.

Anyways, we waited for the train, and I danced around with the cane, much to her amusement. The train came and we went aboard to go to the Penn Station in New York City. Along the way, I found myself wondering what the heck was up with the train tickets? Nowhere from when we got the tickets to when we got onto the train did we stick them in some kind of slot or whatever. Maybe you could for anything else but for where we were going, we didn't come across any of that. For the most part, the only person who even seemed to care was the conductor who went down the aisle for the tickets (that was pretty awesome, I have to say). And even then, I could have just gotten by just fine without even giving it to him. So I'm just wondering what the point of the train tickets were? I mean, I could have gotten on that ride for free and still have 20 dollars instead of 15 Sacajaweas.

The train stopped and we departed and I was soon greeted to the air of New York City. I was unimpressed (at the time. Don't worry, I'll get impressed later). We were pretty close to Madison Square Garden, which was pretty convenient. When we arrived, there was a huge line for god knows what. I assumed it was for the Rammstein concert so I was pretty disheartened that I had to wait in that line for so long. But, Eden wanted to know if she could exchange the tickets for better seats (an email said she could). So, she acting like the hobbly legged cripple, and me acting like her caretaker, we slowly made our way past the guards who opened the way for us and to the ticket counter, bypassing the long ass line. It was pretty sweet.

After finding out we couldn't get better seats, we waited by the handicap elevator for the doors to open so we could get inside. In the meantime, Eden had perfected her limp to the point that no one suspected a thing! I felt a little bad when we walked by some people who were really disabled but by this time, Eden had become a hardcore fan of Rammstein so she didn't care. In the meantime, we waited in line and Eden bought some Rammstein shirts. It was at this time that I learned that this was the first time that Rammstein had played on American soil in over 10 years. Eden explained that many thought they were banned from the United States (for their firey shows or for being possible Nazi's, we didn't know). But, she said it was most likely because they couldn't get the permits for their shows. It had to have fire.

The doors opened, our tickets were scanned and we hobbled into the elevator. The woman who operated the elevator kept giving us the evil eye until we got the 7th floor. She then told us that we had to go all the way to Tower C and walk up those steps to get to the top floor. We were puzzled by this but we didn't argue. We half walked, half hobbled over to Tower C and asked a worker here where we were supposed to go. He was just as confused as we were and he told us that we were on the other side of where we were supposed to be. So, he directed us to some stairs and we walked up the escalators to the top floor. Thinking back, I think the elevator operator knew we were faking it and she sent us in the wrong direction on purpose. But whatever we got there.

We waited a good hour for the place to fill up when we found our seats. We were situated in the very back row of the very top floor. So we were pretty far back but we could still see the stage perfectly. It was then that I truly realized just how popular the band was. Truly remarkable how fast those seats filled up. Come 8:00 and it was time for the opening act, a small band called Combichrist. I had never heard of them before, but they had a drum set, a pair of keyboards, a percussion section that seemed to have japanese taiko drums, a guitarist and a singer. What came out of it was a very well put together beat that you could bang your head to easily enough. Still, the one thing I didn't like was the singer. He just kept on swearing and screaming and I didn't understand a word he said. So, Combichrist was a good band but I won't be listening to their lyrics anytime soon.

So, after the screamfest that was Combichrist, we waited a half an hour for the next band to get ready. And boy, did the seats fill up fast after that! And for good reason, too. You see, the stage appeared to be cut in half by a giant black wall. And the first thing that the band did was club their way through this wall with their instruments and the lead singer blew it open with fire. Then the concert really took off. I won't waste time trying to remember every single detail, but man there was such much power and energy in these guys were nearing the age of 50! I mean, they were head banging, they were slamming their fists into their legs, they were blowing dolls up on stage. Yeah! They had baby dolls with glowing green eyes and they were just blowing them up! They had flame throwers, they had fire just erupting from the stage itself! In one song, a guy ran on stage and the lead singer (Till Linderman) lit him on fire! He's running around screaming on the stage while these two roadies are trying to put him out! Now, I'm sure that that was part of the act but still! That was pretty freaking awesome! I mean we could feel the heat of the flames from all the way in the back row! I can't even begin to imagine how it must have felt all the way in the pit! And the last song of the last encore they played, Till came out with these giant metal wings strapped to his back and while he sang, fire was spewing out the tips! I swear, you can't make stuff like this up! This was by far one of the best concerts I've ever been to (next to Paganfest). And they were so humble about it to! When they finished, they bowed by getting on one knee, head bowed to the ground. And the only word that Till Linderman ever spoke throughout the entire concert was the words "Thank You." How cool is that?!?!?!?!?!

Man, it was such an awesome show, even as far back as we were. I was almost sad that it was over. But it had to end eventually. So, we all shuffled out of the Garden and back to the cold air. By then, it was 10:00 (aroundish) so we decided to go see Times Square while we were at it. After a few minutes trying to get our bearings (and a hot dog), we walked to Times Square, experiencing the random people along the way. There was one guy trying to get us to go to a comedy show. He was very persuasive and I almost wanted to go. But then again, I was annoyed at how insistent he wanted to talk to us, even though we tried to leave on multiple occasions. So we told him we had no money and we left. Then there were the (I assumed) Muslim sympathizers who preached about how we were all going to hell and what not. We avoided them without trouble.

And we finally found Times Square. And I swear, it was one of the biggest places I had ever seen in my life. So many lights, so much activity that when I stood in the middle, I didn't even know where the hell to begin! But alas, we had to leave as the train was leaving and we had to make it. But we did manage to get both our pictures taken and Eden got hers with a random man dressed as Spider-Man. That dude was awesome. Just gonna say.

Anyways, on the way back, some random guy came to us and gave us a CD he had made with his friend. He asked me if I was handicapped, noticing that I had a cane. I said no and he asked why I had a cane. I told him why not. And he signed my CD with my new nickname, T-Boogie. Then he asked for money and I couldn't say no to the guy. He had given me a new nickname after all. So I gave him six Sacajawea dollars and was on my way. Honestly, I know it was a waste of money, but what the hell was I going to do with 15 Sacajawea dollars?!?!?!?!? (I threw away the CD afterwards. It was just a bunch of freestyling anyways that I didn't care for really. And no. I didn't feel bad).

Still, I had to buy a train ticket and I decided to use my Sacajawea dollars. But the fucking machine would take it! Some of them it took but some of them it just rolled back out! I was furious. Until a strange thing happened. A man nearby (I assumed he was homeless) gave me a dollar. And I felt like shit after that. I told him repeatedly that I couldn't take it, I made every hand gesture possible when I figured out he couldn't speak English, but still, he continued to put the dollar in my hand. So, to my partial shame, I used it to buy a train ticket. And I gave him the rest of my Sacajawea dollars, making him 5 dollars richer, I guess (wait: 15-6-4=...5, yeah that's right). He just gave me a grin and was on his way. Nice people are buried underneath all the crap after all.

So, we made it on the train, realized I didn't even need the ticket since no one came for them, we got back to the hotel, slept off our adrenaline, ate breakfast the next morning, got in the car and drove back to JMU. The next morning was another boring day with rather interesting people (talking about ENG 393 in particular ;) You should know you guys were awesome!). But as long as I live, I will never forget the two days I spent going to Rammstein and back. Mainly because it was by far the most spontaneous thing I've ever done. And the next day, no one knew (and no one cared, to be honest) to ask about it. They were busy worrying about finals. But I think if more people did the spontaneous, people would smile more.

Well good night. Tomorrow I'm going skiing ;)

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Towers of Midnight...I have finished it

Come, I show you the end
You're dammed
Cause no one can defy me
Just watch these maddened creatures
Like you they all once reached out
A war to win
But I'm gonna burn this vision down

Call me the father of lies
Just watch these saddened creatures
they've torned you into their savior

You hold your ground
Until your last breath
You'll twist then turn
and now you're falling down

The battle rages on
And forever and ever
The wheel will turn

Let ages come and go
The will turn now
The wheel will turn
Another ride into obsession
I am reborn
The wheel will turn now
And I am driven to obsession

All these dying men
try to understand
They all followed the sign

Ir's a cyrcle's end
There no hope
for a while
From the ashes arise

Can't save her
Enjoy the flames
So precious, so pure

and you try
You're sure to fail
And madness
Is the price you've to pay

Unholy grounds
Witness your last breath
The cyrcle ends
And you're stumbling

The battle will go on
and forever and ever
It's raging on

Let ages come and go
The wheel will turn now
The wheel will turn
Another ride into obsession
I am reborn
The wheel will turn now
And I'm driven to obsession

Through the flames you'll see me
You'll be mine, believe me
This is the moment I long for

Wake up there's a storm to face and
Right now while the land lies bleeding
It's me, I conquer your soul

Still I'll be on my way
Oh light, let me out of here I pray

And over and over and over again
There is no beginning
No end

This war, it still goes on
And forever and ever
I will return

Let ages come and go
The wheel will turn now
The wheel will turn
Another ride into obsession
I am reborn
The wheel will turn now
And I'm driven to obsession

Light - so serene
True source reign over me
There's no end and
There's no beginning
"You will never be alone"

Monday, November 8, 2010

Hollywood Butchery

People who know me shouldn't be surprised when I say that I love anime and manga. Sure, they're more or less cartoons, but they are in fact art (not like the crap Cartoon Network is vomiting forth), and some of my favorite mangas on an artistic level are Berserk, Vagabond, One Piece, and many others that I can't think of right now. One of my all-time favorites is the classic anime and manga, Akira.

During the 1980s and early 90s, America became bombarded by several anime that had found their way over from Japan, most of which became hugely successful, such as Ghost in the Shell, and of course, Akira, with Akira constantly making many of the top 100 or top 10 lists of best movie or animations and what not. Kanye West even took several aspects of the film and incorporated it into his music video for 'Stronger' (take that fact for what it's worth). Many critics agree that Akira is one of the landmark movies in animation, both for it's technical aspects as well as an engaging story.

Akira told the tale of two members of a motorcycle gang, Tetsuo and Keneda, with Keneda being the leader. During one of their nights of delinquencies, Tetsuo accidently crashes into what looks like an old man but with a child-like body. The man, however, is unharmed, having not even been touched by the crash. Tetsuo is suddenly abducted by the military with no explanation as to why.

While Keneda and friends try to figure out what's going on, Tetsuo is forced to undergo several experiments due to his interaction with the old man, revealed to be Subject 14 (I think, I'm telling this all from memory), part of a project to release human potential in the mind. As a result, Tetsuo gains access to tremendous psychic abilities, which he uses to escape and plans on using it to support his own inferiority complex.

That's just the beginning, of course. If you want to know what happens next, watch the movie. I understand that there is a relatively better english dub of it that came out in 2006, though you should watch it in Japanese first, it's so much better. And if you like the movie, check out the manga. Both have the same basic plot but each differ in the end, since the movie came out before the manga was technically finished.

Why am I talking about this? Because I wish to expose a rather large problem with this. Akira is extremely popular and because of this, Hollywood has decided that it's time to milk out some money. So they have decided to make a two part, live-action movie that tells the story of the Akira manga. Fine, this could be good, I said. But then I slowly began to become enraged by the next set of facts.

Zac Effron has been offered a lead role in the movie. Well, I told myself, that's not exactly a good move to cast a teen heartthrob as a gritty, motorcycle guy who spends his nights attempting to kill people with lead pipes. And if he's Tetsuo, he doesn't exactly scream threatening when he's crushing people's heads with his mind. But he may surprise me, I honestly haven't seen him in any movies, I just know him by reputation. Besides, the movie hasn't been green-lighted yet, it's still in development hell. There's still time, right?

Then Morgan Freeman was offered the role of the Colonel in charge of the project. Hells to the yeah! Morgan Freeman! This is getting good!

The guys who directed The Book of Eli are in negotiations to direct the film. Well, I haven't seen the Book of Eli, but it seemed like an action flick. Not sure if they'll be able to convey the philosophical themes of the manga but whatevs! I can dig it.

The film will be rated PG-13.

What? No. Really? No! I refuse! No! They can't do that! They can't adapt Akira, which is quite gritty and bloody, I might add, and try to make it PG-13! There's a reason for the blood and gore! It's supposed to convey the idea that power corrupts and can hurt the people you love! An idea that Tetsuo learns at the end! They canNOT do this to Akira!

Now, I know that the only reason they would want to turn it into PG-13 is because they want to attract a bigger audience and I can live with that! I understand that! But it's cheap and disgusting when you want to convey ideas when you're limited to what you can and cannot show! Yes, blood and gore is not for everyone. But if there's a reason for it, then the audience can understand it. Look at Saving Private Ryan, continually a pretty gory movie. Why? Steven Spielberg wanted to convey the realism of war.

So, I have pretty much lost my faith in the Akira movie being any good. I'm still going to watch it but I'm pretty sure I'm going to leave in tears. But I guess it can't be as bad as Dragon Ball: Evolution, can it?

Oh god, it can...

Also, apparently Oldboy is being remade to suit the American audience. That movie's not even a decade old! All they need to do is pull a Quentin Tarantino Presents thing and show it in the theater's as is! Seriously! It will make money! Look at Hero with Jet Li! that was a Quentin Tarantino Presents thing and it was #1 at the box office!

Americans always go on about racial equality but I seriously think it's a huge slap to the face for foreign filmmakers when they want to remake a movie that has been labelled by CNN as one of the greatest asian films of all time. And no, I don't want to hear about how the movie was shown at the most inappropriate time because it's a good movie and I'm a little sick and tired of not being able to be myself when it makes people uncomfortable and stuff. What the hell do I care?

But that's a different story, one that you will never hear ever again.

In short, Hollywood makes me cry sometimes...

Sunday, October 3, 2010

The 10 Commandments of Writing Fiction

  1. Sit Your Ass in the Chair
  2. Thou Shalt Not Bore the Reader
  3. Remember to Keep Holy Your Writing Time
  4. Honor the Lives of Your Characters
  5. Thou Shalt Not Be Obscure
  6. Thou Shalt Show and Not Tell
  7. Thou Shalt Steal
  8. Thou Shalt Rewrite and Rewrite again. And Again.
  9. Thou Shalt confront the Human Condition
  10. Be Sure That Every Death in a Story Means Something
- From "The Lie That Tells A Truth" by John Dufresne

Friday, October 1, 2010

Review: Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'Hoole

What do you get when you have the director from 300 and Watchmen going back to his childhood and bringing a beloved book series to the big screen in 3D? Well what you don't get is a bad evening since most of the people I was supposed to go with bailed and it wound up just being me and my friend, whose name I will not mention but she knows who it is. What you will get is an extremely enjoyable movie that I wouldn't mind seeing again.

Based on a series of children's books (and by children's books, I mean how The Hobbit is a children's book despite being very dark and sometimes violent), Legend of the Guardians tells the story of Soren, who is kidnapped alongside his brother, Kludd, and are taken someplace that vaguely resembles a concentration camp (I kid, it doesn't. It's just a bunch of rocks and stuff). Soren escapes alongside his friend Gylfie and they both fly off to find the legendary Guardians of Ga'Hoole, protectors of the kingdom.

It has a very formulaic plot that likens back to the cartoons of old and my narrative media studies teacher will be glad to know that I recognized every aspect of the Hero's Journey in this movie. But despite being formulaic, where it truly shines are its characters, which are all lovable and funny in their own ways, including some of the enemies that kidnapped them, where they keep talking about how their mean faces look.

This movie isn't just for kids, however. You guys remember in Sleeping Beauty, how it had a very light-hearted and colorful plot and story and characters, but also had some extremely dark elements. Well, this movie is just like that. It has a very colorful plot, colorfully humorous characters, but it does have a real-life tone, where the stories and legends aren't like what they're made out to be. Don't worry, there's no blood and the deaths are somewhat only implied by pained screeches and such, but I wonder if there is a version what has blood. That would be awesome.

This is a movie directed by Zack Snyder, so there are tons of slow-down scenes, but don't worry. They actually enhance the action, where you can see every clash of steel, every duck under blades and such. Who would've thought that it would be so cool just to watch a bunch of armored owls slash each other with blades?

Watch this movie, if only for the hell of it. It's a fun movie and good way to kill 2 hours.

Monday, September 6, 2010

What I Saw Today...

Well, as I was standing at the bus stop, waiting for the bus to take me to the gym so I may burn calories and what-not, I noticed a strange sight. Beside me stood a girl as well, though I didn't know her, we shared the horror of this strange sight. Coming down the road was a jeep and in the jeep was a fat man without a shirt. I thought it was odd that he had his shirt off, but we're in the South so I'm game. Car drove by and I looked into his window and noticed what he was doing.

Masturbating. Yes. This man was driving in broad daylight, without a shirt, and masturbating to the sight of the women as he drove by. Then again, it could be that he was masturbating to the sight of me staring at him masturbating. It was only for a second, but it was enough to burn it into my mind. And I know he was masturbating because the girl next to me had also seen this sight. A sight that we both will hopefully bury in our unconscious mind forever.

To reiterate: fat guy driving in a jeep. Masturbating. Broad daylight. Need to burn my eyes out now.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

This World is Sacred...

"I know I will not fail
There'll be war...

It's now or never
We shall stand together
One by one
This world is sacred

I'm the one forever
All that really matters
Blessed realm
This world is sacred

I will live forever
All that really matters
I'm the one
This world is sacred

I'm coming home..."

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

We interrupt our regularly scheduled program to bring you the following Special Bulletin...

Longitude: 74 degrees, 0 minutes, 23 seconds west.
Latitude: 40 degrees, 42 minutes, 51 seconds north.

Follow the sound of sirens...

...god...

Some things are beyond words. Beyond comprehension. Beyond forgiveness.

Where were you?!

How could you let this happen?

I --

How do you say we didn't know? We couldn't know. We couldn't imagine.

Only madmen could contain the thought, execute the act, fly the planes. The sane world will always be vulnerable to madmen, because we cannot go where they go to conceive of such things.

We could not see it coming. We could not be here before it happened. We could not stop it. But we are here now.

You cannot see us for the dust, but we are here. You cannot hear us for the cries, but we are here.

Even those we thought our enemies are here. Because some things surpass rivalries and borders. Because the story of humanity is written not in towers but in tears. In the common coin of blood and bone. In the voice that speaks within even the worst of us, and says this is not right. Because even the worst of us, however scarred, are still human. Still feel. Still mourn the random death of innocents.

We are here. But with our costumes and our powers are writ small by the true heroes. Those who face fire without fear or armor. Those who step into the darkness without assurances of ever walking out again, because they know there are others waiting in the dark. Awaiting salvation. Awaiting word. Awaiting justice.

Ordinary men. Ordinary women. Made extraordinary by acts of compassion. And courage. And sacrifice.

We've voted, and we're going to try to take the plane. It's the only way to stop them hitting washington. I love you.

I love you --

Ordinary men. Ordinary women. Refusing to surrender

Ordinary men. Ordinary women. Refusing to accept the self-serving proclamations of holy warriors of every stripe, who announce that somehow we had this coming.

...Probably what we deserve...All of them who have tried to secularize America...the pagans and the abortionists and the feminists and the gays and the lesbians and the ACLU...I point the finger in their face and I say "You helped this happen."

-- It is God's will that America should fall through their iniquity and their sin --

We reject them both in the knowledge that our tragedy is greater than our transgressions. Bodies in freefall on the evening news. Madness in mosques, shouting down fourteen centuries of earnest prayers, forgetting the lessons of crusades past...

...that the most harmed are the least deserving.

Hi...listen, you shouldn't be here. This isn't a good place for you to --

My...My dad went in there to get something, he said just a minute --

You shouldn't --

-- and if I wait and stay and don't leave he'll be okay, because I'll do what he told me, and -- and -- DADDYYYYY!

There are no words. There are no words. The death of innocents and the death of innocence. Rage compounded upon rage. Rage enough to blot out the sun.

And the air, filled with questions.

Is it going to happen again? What do I tell my children? Why did this happen?

They ask the question. Why? Why? My god, why? I have seen other worlds. Other spaces. I have walked with Gods and wept with angels. But to my shame I have no answers.

He's the only one who could know. Because he's been here before. I wish I had not lived to see it once. I can't imagine what it is to see this twice. I just can't imagine.

What do we tell the children? Do we tell them evil is a foreign face? No. The evil is the thought behind the face, and it can look just like yours. Do we tell them evil is tangible, with defined borders and names and geometries and destinies? No. They will have nightmares enough. Perhaps we tell them that we are sorry. Sorry that we were not able to deliver unto them the world we wished them to have. That our eagerness to shout is not the equal of our willingness to listen. That the burdens of distant people are the responsibility of all men and women of conscience, or their burdens will one day become our tragedy. Or perhaps we simply tell them that we love them, and that we will protect them. That we would give our lives for theirs and do it gladly, so great is the burden of our love. In a universe of Gameboys and VCRs, it is, perhaps, an insubstantial gift. But it is the only one that will wash away the tears and knit the wounds and make the world a sane place to live in.

We could not see it coming. No one could. We could not stop it. No one could. But we are here. Now. With you. Today. Tomorrow. And the day after. We live in each blow you strike for infinite justice, but always in the hope for infinite wisdom. Because we live as well in the quiet turning of your considered conscience. The voice that says all wars have innocents. The voice that says you are a kind and a merciful people. The voice that says do not do as they do, or the war is lost before it is even begun. Do not let the knowledge be washed away in blood.

When you move, we will move with you. Where you go, we will go with you. Where you are, we are in you. Because the future belongs to ordinary men and ordinary women, and that future must be built free of such acts as these, must be fought for and renewed like fresh water. Because a message must be sent to those who mistake compassion for weakness. A message sent across six thousand years of recorded blood and struggle. And the message is this: whatever our history, whatever the root of our surnames, we remain a good and decent people, and we do not bow down and we do not give up. The fire of the human spirit cannot be quenched by bomb blasts or body counts. Cannot be intimidated forever into silence or drowned by tears. We have endured worse before; we will bear this burden and all that come hereafter, because that's what ordinary men and women do. No matter what. This has not weakened us. It has only made us stronger.

In recent years we as a people have been tribalized and factionalized by a thousand casual unkindnesses. But in this we are one. Flags sprout in uncommon places, the ground made fertile by tears and shared resolve. We have become our grief. We are now one in our determination. One as we recover. One as we rebuild. You wanted to send a message, and in so doing you awakened us from our self-involvement. Message received. Look for your reply in the thunder. In such days as these are heroes born. Not heroes such as ourselves. The true heroes of the twenty-first century. You, the human being singular. You, who are nobler than you know and stronger than you think. You, the heroes of this moment chosen out of history.

We stand blinded by the light of your unbroken will. Before that light, no darkness can prevail. They knocked down two tall towers. In their memory, draft a covenant with your conscience, that we will create a world in which such things need not occur. A world which will not require apologies to children, but also a world whose roads are not paved with the husks of their inalienable rights. They knocked down two tall towers. Graft now their echo onto your spine. Become girders and glass, stone and steel, so that when the world sees you, it sees them. And stand tall. Stand tall.

Stand tall.

- From The Amazing Spider-Man #36

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Review: The Expendables

I'm gonna make this quick because I can't be bothered to write a long version. And I'm tired so it's very sporadic but bear with it.

Fan-service with no substance. That is all this movie is. And yes, it is that thin. Thin enough that the skinny-ass of Paris Hilton can fit through all the holes in this movie.

Sure, it's pretty cool to have all the action stars on one screen, but it sounds cooler in your head then it does on screen. In fact, Arnold is only there for like less than 5 minutes. So...

Camera work was nauseating at times because something would be happening on screen, but we couldn't see it because the camera was jerking around too much.

Awesome deaths though. Guy with an automatic shotgun/grenade launcher thing was awesome. Blood and gore. Yay.

Mickey Rourke was the only decent actor in the whole movie.

I laughed when Jet Li was talking about his size being an issue.

Don't watch it unless you really want to.

I'm done.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

It's funny who the people you know can turn into...

I knew a guy in high school. Nice guy, good sense of humor. A while ago, I was watching South Park. Around episode 201, a threat was sent to the makers of South Park, saying that if they release the episode, they could become like "Theo Van Gogh." This led to the episode being censored with loud bleeps. Later, he was arrested for attempting to join a muslim terror group. Apparently he went to the same high school as I did.

After a quick look in my year book, I confirmed that I knew him and sat next to him in high school.

It was profound. He seemed like the last person who could join a religion. But he changed. Then again, I never knew him that well to know how much he changed. It's just strange who the people you know can change into.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

The Things We Keep Hidden

There are three different types of things we keep to ourselves:
  1. Things we keep hidden because we don't want anyone touching on our innermost thoughts.
  2. Things we want to say but have to keep silent about.
  3. Things that we keep hidden, hoping somewhere deep down that someone will ask us about them.
Food for thought

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Politicians can be stupid sometimes...

While cleanup crews and technical teams continue efforts to stop crude gushing into the Gulf of Mexico, Louisiana lawmakers are proposing a different approach: prayer.

State senators designated Sunday as a day for citizens to ask for God's help dealing with the oil disaster.

"Thus far efforts made by mortals to try to solve the crisis have been to no avail," state Sen. Robert Adley said in a statement released after last week's unanimous vote for the day of prayer. "It is clearly time for a miracle for us."

The resolution names Sunday as a statewide day of prayer in Louisiana and calls on people of all religions throughout the Gulf Coast "to pray for an end to this environmental emergency, sparing us all from the destruction of both culture and livelihood."
-from CNN.com and LeastICouldDo.com

...

Who the hell elected these people?

No, I'm being serious here, who the hell elected these senators? We elect senators to take action in our Representative Democracy and support our most popular views. We want them to take our issues that we care about to Congress. We don't pay them to make these ludicrous statements.

Sure, I may not be the most religious person, but come on! God didn't create this problem to begin with! We did! This is just one way the senators are washing their hands clean of the issue and saying "hey, we don't want to deal with this anymore, let's act someone else to fix it."

No. No, no, no, no. Fix the fucking problem. It's been 2 months already. And no, I'm not saying people aren't already trying to find a solution. I'm saying that there are other people who aren't taking responsibility.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Something I noticed...

It's always the monotheistic religions that start wars. You never hear of polytheistic religions such as Hinduism and such causing mass religious wars. It's always Islam, Christianity and Judaism. Well...Judaism usually gets picked on all the time, but you get the point.

The reason that is, I think, is because polytheistic religions allow people to practice it the way it suits them best. They worship the god that they want to worship, they perform the rituals they want to perform. Christianity you get some leeway but not a whole lot. You still have to worship the same god, the same ideals, such and such.

I don't know. That's what I think.

Review: Toy Story 3

Toy Story has always held a special place in my heart. It's what I grew up watching as a child. It's what I always fell asleep in my arms (the other thing was my dad's hammer). I loved it. Looking back, I can't rightly place exactly what it was that I loved because there were simply so many things about it. I don't really remember Toy Story 2 because I only saw it once (I really should watch it again). And when Toy Story 3 came out, imagine my glee and my face covered from head to toe in a smile to rival the Joker's.

And it didn't disappoint.

In Toy Story 3, Andy has grown up and is on his way to college. This, of course, is distressing to our favorite toy heroes as it seems like Andy is abandoning them. Anyhoo, they end up in a Day Care and shit happens from there. I really can't say anymore about it without giving something away. But rest assured, it's well worth it.

All your favorite characters are there and they're all voiced by their original voice actors, except Slinky, but you don't really notice. Sadly, some of the other characters, such as Bo-Peep don't show up at all, having been sold at Garage sales, which just adds to the sadness these toys are feeling. I left the theater feeling nothing but regret of putting all my toys through that madness.

But it's not all sadness. There are other parts that just plain hilarious and I burst out laughing at the sheer ridiculousness of the situation when Buzz Lightyear goes spanish. That's right, he goes spanish. What more can I say?

However, it's not all fun and games, as well. Toy Story 3, especially at the end, gets extremely intense. About 10 minutes from the end, it literally becomes hell with fire and brimstone with our heroes facing death in the face. I was at the edge of my seat, wondering if Pixar was going to kill off our heroes...

This is a story about letting go, growing up and a commentary on the American Prison System (sort of). I went in, feeling nostalgic and happy. Then I was wierded out by the amount of kids watching this film. Why? They weren't even born with Toy Story came out! This is my generation! Get the fuck out!

I heartily endorse the watching of this film hitherto (whatever the hell that means). Watch it.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Review: Kick-Ass (film)

So, I just got back from watching the movie Kick-Ass and instead of writing that 12-page essay that's due tomorrow, I'm instead writing this review of the movie. And no, I will not utter that popular catch-phrase "Kick-Ass KICKS A-!" I won't. I refuse.

The story is pretty much your average run-of-the-mill superhero movie. Guy becomes superhero, guy saves the day. One would think this is the case. They would be wrong. Instead, we get this almost parody of the entire superhero mythos. It is, in all sense of the word, a real take on the superhero. There are people who use guns, knives and our hero gets stabbed in the gut at the very first instance.

It's bloody, it's violent and it's real. Gritty and everything one could want from a superhero movie. It really shows that superheroes can never really exist as they do in comic books. However, they can exist and that is what this movie is ultimately trying to prove. If it's actually saying anything at all.

The characters are real, with the titular Kick-Ass being your average school geek who is suddenly thrust into a world of violence when he dons the superhero outfit. There's Hit-Girl, who is my personal favorite, an 11-year-old ninja-like character who loves to shoot and kill people. There's Big-Daddy, played strangely enough by Nicholas Cage, who just loves to kill people. Then Red Mist, but he's not very memorable.

I read something on the internet about how mother's were offended by Hit-Girl swearing left and right and even saying the word "cunt" a few times. So, they weren't offended by the fact that she was killing everyone? Hm.

There's a love story in there, but its resolved so poorly and quickly that it's just bad storytelling. But it's so unnoticeable that you ignore it.

In short, this movie is awesome, its fun and you should watch it.

Back to the essay.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Idiot Sightings

When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'it's open!' His reply: 'I know. I already got that side.'
This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, MS



We had to have the garage door repaired.
The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.

I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.

He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, 'NO, it's not.' Four is larger than two.'

We haven't used Sears repair since.

My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter.

She said, 'you gave me too much money.' I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back. She sighed and went to get the manager, who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said 'We're sorry but we could not do that kind of thing.' The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.
Do not confuse the clerks at McD's.


I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'

From Kingman , KS

My daughter went to a local Taco Bell
and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind
the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'
He said he was sorry,
but they only had iceburg lettuce.
-- From Kansas City

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?' To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?' He smiled knowingly and nodded,
'That's why we ask.'

Happened in Birmingham , Ala.

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'

She was a probation officer inWichita , KS

At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving the company due to 'downsizing,' our manager commented cheerfully, 'This is fun. We should do this more often.' Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.

This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.

I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.

A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office, no less.


How would you pronounce this child's name?
"Le-a"

Leah?? NO
Lee - A?? NOPE
Lay - a?? NO
Lei?? Guess Again.

This child attends a school in Kansas City, Mo. Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her name wrong.

It's pronounced "Ledasha", When the Mother was asked about the pronunciation of the name, she said, "the dash don't be silent."
SO, if you see something come across your desk like this please remember to pronounce the dash.

If dey axe you why, tell dem de dash don't be silent.

The Qualifications for President

In a Purdue University government class, they were discussing the qualifications to be President of the United States . It was pretty simple the candidate must be a natural born citizen of at least 35 years of age.

However, one girl in the class immediately started in on how unfair was the requirement to be a natural born citizen. In short, her opinion was that this requirement prevented many capable individuals from becoming president.

The class was taking it all in and letting her rant, but everyone's jaw hit the floor when she wrapped up her argument by stating,

"What makes a natural born citizen any more qualified to lead this country than one born by C-section?"

Yep, and these are the same 18 to 30 year-olds that elected obama President.

And don't forget, "They walk among us!"

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Something I told my dear friend over IM...

have you noticed how silent i can be?

believe me when i say it's hell

because when you're silent you're left with only yourself

people desperately want connections with others around them

they envy them

they want to talk to them

but their mouths won't work anymore

they've spent too much time silent

so they spend the rest of their lives outside looking in

it's hell

you don't want that

talk even when people aren't listening

talk especially when they don't want to hear

because when you're no longer able to speak you're committing yourself to the deepest darkest place in existence

place where no man should ever go

so don't ever wish to be silent

...

i'm done

Friday, April 2, 2010

Review: Clash of the Titans (film)

Clash of the Titans is a re-make of a 1980s film about the adventures of a demigod Perseus as he saves a city from the kraken, kills the gorgon Medusa and a bunch of other things that greek mythology is known for. Along the way, he fights demons, monsters, tries to bang some hot chicks but fails miserably. Ah, well.

Anyhoo, I have just returned from the trip and I have to say, it isn't bad. A little rough around the edges but still enjoyable. The action sequences were done phenomenally well, the adherence to greek mythology is done pretty well and the immensity of the kraken is just awesome.

That said, there are a couple of things that are just thrown together at the last minute. Halfway through the movie, we encounter the Gin (or Jin, or whatever the hell they're called) and this may be the weakest part of the movie. Being an original creation, they serve no purpose other than to heal Perseus' poisoned arm, and die. Yup. That's it. Don't really remember that part in mythology but okay.

Io's character is also pretty bland. She, of course, plays the beautiful, mysterious woman who guides Perseus on his journey. But, considering she's immortal and can't age, she just comes off as a stalker, watching and following Perseus since he was a wee babe. Creepy.

Another thing I thought was lacking was actual contribution from the Gods. We see them but only 4 gods actually talk throughout the entire movie. I mean, just have Ares say "Hi!" and I would be fine! Then again, Liam Neeson is Zeus and I would bear his children.

Acting was so-so. For an action movie, there is only so much that I can say about acting that isn't really needed. I mean, Sylvester Stallone only said like 5 lines in Rambo and it was still a hit. So let's move on.

There's an underlying theme of Man vs. Gods that gets kind of diminished underneath the CGI. But when it comes along, it comes heavy (figuratively speaking). As I watched, one thought kept popping into my mind: "This the ultimate Atheist movie." So I got along fine.

What else can I say? It's a fun ride with interesting twists. If you've seen the original (and you remember it) this one is vastly different in terms of plot, characters and characterization. It follows the same structure but differs in major parts. Bubo, that mechanical owl, is gone (thank god). He's there for a second and only as a joke. Which was kind of out of place, really.

As a final thought, Medusa was hot. HOOOOOOOT! I would do her if I was petrification proof.

Done.