Review: Sherlock Holmes (Film)

Happy Freaking New Years. I've decided to start this year with a review...because I have no life and I don't wish to spend it in a room filled with old people...which is hard considering I'm in Florida, Old People capital of the US. So let's begin, shall we?

Well, when I first saw the trailers for this movie, I couldn't really say much about it. I knew I would enjoy it because Robert Downey Jr. is just that fun of an actor, even after the drugs. But I didn't know why I would enjoy it. To me, it seemed like it was going to be something of a comedy and crime film. But I couldn't tell which. Was it going to be a serious crime flick with funny moments? Or was it going to be a comedy with a serious crime flick spread around in it like the mixture of peanut butter and jelly (don't know where that came from).

I've got to say, this movie surprised me. Not because it exceeded my expectations but because it blended comedy and seriousness well (something Michael Bay could take a few notes from). It was serious when it needed to be and it was funny when it needed to be and (here's the important part) it worked. It was able to blend the comedy and the serious aspects perfectly and it didn't feel like it detracted from the plot at all.

That said, it's Sherlock Holmes. We're talking about a man who goes around solving every crime that defies all logic and possibilities. There is no way that anyone can not look at this and just laugh at the sheer ridiculousness of the entire story. So what exactly am I saying? I have no idea, I'm writing this kind of fast over here while listening to Swanheart by Nightwish and am slowly becoming depressed.

But, what I think I'm trying to say is that this film, when taken as a piece of cinema, mixes the serious well with the comedy. As a adventure movie for the family, it definitely leans more towards the comedy, but not so much that you're laughing at every word coming out of Robert Downey Jr.'s scruffy beard and watch as it drips down his pecs that bulge and twitch and glisten with the water that is slowly being poured down his manly chest by Jude Law in a thong-

Sorry, forgot where I was going with that...

...

I'M NOT GAY.

Anyways, this is definitely a must-see movie. Not because it's greatest film ever made and not because it will wow you like never before. It's because it is a fun movie that doesn't require you to turn off your brain. It's smart and charming, and Robert Downey Jr. gives a performance like Tony Stark in Iron Man. It also stays pretty close to how they were in the novels so if you're a Sherlock Holmes fan, you don't have much to worry about.

In closing, it's fun and I've run out of things to say. Happy New Years.

Akumetsu and the Economy...

About a year ago, I was surfing through OneManga.com and I happened across a little manga by the name of Akumetsu. Intrigued by both the name and the plot summary, I began to read and was taken on one of the most wild rides of my life. And now, nearly a year later, the story of Akumetsu has come to a close and I feel...oddly satisfied.

Akumetsu can be described as Death Note with more balls. It is set in Japan and follows the adventure of a high school student by the name of Shou as he sets out to brutally murder everyone in a vigilante-like manner everyone who is responsible for the current state of Japan's struggling/failing economy. All the while, he wears a demonic mask that blows up his head everytime that he is killed. But here's the kick: he never dies! Or at least, he seems to be able to be in several places at the same time (at one time killing 40 people at the same time and then having their heads blown up. And then there's still more of him!).

The story is roughly 162 chapters (which is a pretty large number considering the manga). And it is just a treat to watch all these people who are purposely putting the economy in jeopardy for their own financial gain. For example, one man received funding for an "express highway" which would in turn give him lots of money. However, it turns out that it would actually take people longer to get to their destination if they took the express highway instead of the normal highway. Suffice it to say, Shou aka Akumetsu straps the man to the top of his car, drives off the end of the unfinished highway, which falls top down on the ground, killing the man instantly.

As you can see, the deaths are quite brutal but that's what makes it so good! Where Death Note had Light being a pussy and giving people heart attacks, Shou/Akumetsu actively goes out of his way to kill these people (in also strangely humorous ways).

I can't help but make connections with our own struggling economy (which I hear is getting better). Would it be cool for someone to go out and kill people responsible for our bad economy? Or should we just make an adaption of this manga?

I thoroughly suggest you read Akumetsu if you have time. You won't regret it and you'll have lots of fun.

Now, I must apparantly eat lunch with my family. My mom's being a whiney annoyance again.

Later!

The Phantom Agony

There are two main things that can motivate any humans into doing something: sex, and the fear of death. Death is scary, even for the fatalists. One minute we’re here and next, we’re gone. The band Epica calls it the Phantom Agony. We don’t think about it much, but when we do, we can’t help but feel completely lost. And even though we generate stories about what happens afterwards, none of us really know what’s going to happen to us. And this scares us. All of us (unless you’re a sociopath with no emotions of your own…in which case you don’t worry about this kind of stuff).

Thoughts?

Review: Assassin's Creed II (Game)

Assassin's Creed was one of those early Xbox360 games that took the world by storm (I guess). Despite every good thing I can say about it (shit-load of fun, awesome historical accuracy and intriguing story), the game was plagued repetitiveness. The game basically had all the missions being the exact same mission just with different people assassinated.

Not so with Assassin's Creed II, the god-sent sequel of the year.

The story continues with Ezio Auditore da Firenze, (Italians basically put where they were born in their name. So its Ezio of the Auditore family from Florence), a descendent of the badass assassin, Altair. But wait! That's not entirely true! You are actually Desmond Miles, who is accessing his DNA to view the memories of Ezio! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Anyways, the shit hits the fan for this young assassin when his father and brothers are killed for treason, framed by the Templars (those catholic bastards). So, young Ezio goes on a quest for vengeance while trying to unravel the secrets of the Templar's plot.

First of all, the sequel completely and utterly kills the first one in every way. This game is much more story oriented, so it loses that aspect of open world that the first one was known for. But that isn't a bad thing at all. You can still pursue missions at your leisure, you just have only one story-based mission at a time.

Not much more I can say about it, really. Everything that is Assassin's Creed is in this game, there's just more of it. Instead of one hidden blade, you have two. Instead of one side weapon, you have a sword and a knife. Instead of throwing knives, you have throwing knives, smoke bombs, a pistol, a poison blade, and so much more. You can just kill people in thousands of different ways, which adds more variety of the mission.

That's not to say its like Fable 2, which was just a complete upgrade of Fable 1 with nothing new. What it lacked in the first Creed, it completely makes up for in the second Creed. Remember when you could only blend with monks? Now you can blend in with any crowd larger than 2 people. Which makes it interesting when your being chased. You just run into a crowd and they lose you. You could be standing right in front of them and they won't see you. It's really funny!

Anything bad in the game? Two things. First, a bunch of glitches and bugs that I found, such as model pop-in, where as your walking along, people and objects pop into the game seemingly from nowhere. Also, when I'm walking along, if I come across a bump larger than 2 inches, the game suddenly makes me peer over the edge like I'm on top of a building. Minor, I know, but it's noticeable. Second bad thing. THOSE MOTHERFUCKING MINSTRELS!!!!! Ubisoft, the beggers and lepers were annoying the first game! What makes you think having a bunch of Minstrels run up to you and block your path won't be annoying?! AND THEY COME IN SWARMS!

That's it. In all actuality, this is probably the most fun you'll have with a game ever. Granted, you must! MUST! Play the first game before you play the second. You will be lost in all manner of the term. Plus, the ending was...just out there. Confusing because it brings up more questions than it answers. But that's okay, because hopefully they bring it up in the third one (which you know there'll be).

I wholeheartedly recommend Assassin's Creed II. You will enjoy the experience.

Cheers.

Demonspawn that is Twilight

Bully: I'm gonna PUNCH YOUR FACE IN after class!

Kid: (sweating and terrified)

Friend: Wanna see the new Twilight movie after class?

Kid: Can't. I'm getting my face punched in!

Kid: (happy beyond words)

From the brilliant Cyanide & Happiness

'Nuff said.

Review: The Gathering Storm by Robert Jordan with Brandon Sanderson (Book)

*potential spoilers. beware*

Wow. Just wow. There are no words that can explain just my sheer...amazement at just how wonderful this book is. It grips you and just doesn't let you go, even at the end, which is just beyond intense.

I have been an avid reader of The Wheel of Time series since my dad came home from a business trip one day with The Eye of the World in hand, saying it's something I would probably be interested in. I wasn't all for the idea of being told to read something that wasn't my idea in the first place, but I eventually read it. And it was just AMAZING!

I then continued to read all the novels that had been out at the time. Now, this is no kiddy trilogy or whatever. This series spans 12 novels so far, with 2 more on the way. In case you're wondering, here's a list of both the ones currently out with the last two coming out in the next two years:

1. The Eye of the World
2. The Great Hunt
3. The Dragon Reborn
4. The Shadow Rising
5. The Fires of Heaven
6. Lord of Chaos
7. A Crown of Swords
8. The Path of Daggers
9. Winter's Heart
10. Crossroads of Twilight
11. Knife of Dreams
12. The Gathering Storm
13. Towers of Midnight
14. A Memory of Light

If you're an avid fantasy reader, but haven't read these godsend creations yet YOU OUGHT TO BE ASHAMED YOU FUCKING LITTLE SHIT! YOU CALL YOURSELF A FANTASY READER?!?!?!? I OUGHT TO CASTRATE YOU!!!!!!11!!!!

ahem. Anyways, the novels really are just wonderful and full of multiple plotlines, intricate plans and just plain awesomeness.

Suffice it to say, when Robert Jordan died, I died a little inside. The world really had lost a wonderful author. Luckily for us, he had kept good on his word to continue writing until the day they nailed shut his coffin. He had left pages and pages of notes for the final book in the series, originally entitled "A Memory of Light."

Robert Jordan had promised that he would tie up all plot threads in this final book, but I was skeptical. Any reader would know that that would make this book one of the largest and longest books in existence. There were too many plot threads to tie up in one book. So it came to no surprise to me when it was decided by his wife to split the last novel into three different novels. And I was glad when the project was taken up by Brandon Sanderson.

Now, I have never even heard of this Brandon fellow before, but I was hopeful. He seemed to know what he was doing, at least, so I just had to wait and see.

The series had a rather bumpy road. I'm pretty sure the story was originally conceived as a trilogy of sorts, but it just grew and grew from there. However, around book 7, the series hit a kind of slump. It was one of the slumps where it seemed like absolutely nothing happened! It was strange! I still loved the series, but I had to admit, with the end of the world coming as quickly as they kept saying it was in the books, I didn't think it take this long to come by!

But Knife of Dreams reassured me that the series was not dead. Right off the bat, shits starts going down! And oh, I was just soooooo happy!

Same thing for The Gathering Storm! Shit actually happens! Stuff actually gets done! And the main character finally stops being a dick! He actually laughs! I was so happy! It was about fucking time! Any WoT fan must buy this book immediately!

But for people who haven't read it and are interested, it is in your best interest to start from the beginning. My friend tried to read it from book 8 and he was just lost. You really need to read it straight from the beginning to understand it. And even then, you might have questions. So you should probably ask someone who knows the series. Like me, or whatever.

In short, I love it and I simply cannot put that down into words, thus the crappy review that just doesn't come close to my feelings for it. In other words, I will be returning to my catatonia. The awesomeness was just...mind blowing.

Cheers.

Review: Astro Boy (Movie)

Astro Boy was a japanese manga series that first appeared in the late 50's and early 60's. It follows the adventures of spiky-haired, androgynous little girl who is really a boy as he battles robots, robot hating humans and aliens. It was one of the first anime series to be recognized outside of Japan as well, so it's pretty much a big deal. When I heard that they would be making an animated film about it, I was skeptical about it. Half-naked boy with rocket boots? That doesn't sit well with most american audiences. Maybe Priests, but not the general public (ahahahahaha...pedophile). But when I saw the trailer for it, I was interested. Not excited, but interested. It seemed that they had changed it for the western audience.

The Good

First of all, it's a film made for kids. Meaning it's got a lot of kiddy stuff. Robots being retarded, stuff like that. Where the humor really shines through is just how completely random it is. One second, everyone's cheering for Astro Boy for saving the floating city, the next second, a giant tentacle alien monster thing shows up out of nowhere and starts blasting everything. I'm not even kidding! I stuck up my arms in the air in confusion! Even when he learns he's got machine guns in his butt! Where does the ammo go, I wonder?

But this isn't a bad thing. Sometimes, being random is funny and Astro Boy pulls that off well. A giant robot is attacking the city, destroying everything. Then 2 robots and a refrigerator show up, yelling about a Robot Revolution. Weird stuff, but hilarious none the less.

The animation was top notch, considering its not by DreamWorks or by Pixar. It's a mix between Meet The Robinsons and...well, let's face it, it's exactly like Meet the Robinsons in terms of style. Nothing's really gonna blow you away here.

I was however blown away by the music. Sure it's your typical heroic theme but it's just so cool to listen to and it just fits....thats, thats all I have to say about it.

The Bad

Pacing...it's got none. Things go by too fast. There were moments that they should have spent a few more extra minutes explaining. For example, Tenma (Astro's 'father') is realizing that his son isn't the same as a robot. But he doesn't even explain to Astro that he is a robot. Or that he even died! That's kind of a big plot point, don't you think? Also, we get the feeling that Astro doesn't always want to be a scientist and just wants to have fun. Tenma thinks he's an entirely different person but in reality, Tenma was just a little negligent and didn't even notice that Astro doesn't like science as much as he thinks.

This is hinted but never explicitly stated. Why? Because some mother would have thrown a hissy fit. An issue that my child will probably talk about when he's older? Outrageous! He's a child! He's supposed to be idiotic and dumb and fat! No talking of serious issues with my child! Bad cartoon! Bad cartoon!

Seriously, I remember Batman, the old-school cartoons with all the death and mayhem. I remember when the Joker was telling his therapist (heheh) about how his dad used the beat him. Broke his arm, was it? Cartoons nowadays have dumbed down for the stupidity of today's youth. They'll talk about these issues when they're older! Why shelter them from it? Better they learn from their parents then from some bum with a knife called Wilson.

Overall

It's fun, it's cute and it's random. If you want any of these, knock yourself out. But it's definitely not a must see. It's more a movie that you watch if you're really bored or really drunk. Personally, I wasn't disappointed in the slightest. And if you can let some shoddy storytelling not ruin your evening, I'm sure you'll find it fun as well. Hell, you can probably get more a kick from it when you're high.

My trips to the Target with the wife

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target.

************************************************

"Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samsel, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away! This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of 20 funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out."

Review: Dead Space (Video Game)

Yeah, so I finished Dead Space. It was fun. Not particularly scary but fun none the less. I named my Ripper Betty. It shoots spinning saws that tear people to bits. Hilarious. But what really surprised me was how deep the story was. I really enjoyed the last fight with the boss and the giant twist at the end. I felt myself sympathizing with Isaac for a little bit. The presentation was also top notch.

Not much more I can say about it as its a rather old game. Oh well. It's late. I needs sleep.

Isn't it funny?

So, it is now 3:49 in the afternoon and it only now registered in my mind that today is September 11. Which means that nearly 8 years ago today, I was sleeping in my bed in Shanghai. 8 years ago, my dad woke me up and told me that I had to come watch something on TV. 8 years ago, I watched as the Twin Towers erupted in flames. 8 years ago, I watched as they crumbled to the ground, destroying the lives of many.

And it isn't until 4 in the afternoon does this fact register in my mind.

Boy, do I feel like a jerk...

Review: Gamer (film)

Yup...so...this movie is by far the most disturbing and messed up movie that I've seen in a long, long time. But that's not necessarily a bad thing. In this movie (as the title is called), it explores the life and times a gamer playing a game. Except the game is with real people with emotions and lives.

In the movie, you see the in-game characters take part in a lot of different things that might seem ordinary in a game world (tea-bagging, fragging, sex). The only catch is all the in-game characters are real people. So seeing a morbidly obese man getting off to watching his female character getting taken from behind doggy-style can be rather upsetting. Watching a grown man tea-bagging another gamer with his face blown off is rather disturbing. Moral of the story: its all fun and games until its done in real life.

There is much to think about with this movie, but it all is blown away with graphic and disturbing sequences of violence. There were moments where philosophy could have been discussed but instead we cut to Gerard Butler beating the shit out of everyone around. Now, this isn't bad. Its a good movie to just watch when you have nothing to do, but just don't expect it to be as deep as it could have been.

But really, there's nothing going for this movie that you all haven't already seen before. That said, I have absolutely nothing more to say about the movie. Go watch it if you want. Your life won't be extended if you do and you're not missing much if you don't. It's one of those movies.

Death of an Old and True Friend

Three yards of black fabric enshroud my computer terminal. I am mourning the passing of an old friend.

He was such a great guy and I miss him. Maybe you knew of him. Most people did. I hope it wasn't you who contributed to his death, otherwise I shall dispatch a vicious band of lions to disembowel you. Okay, I don't have a troupe of lions at my disposal, but I can find one, trust me. Suffice it to say, my friend was a paragon of amazing.

Dearly beloved…we gather here to say our goodbyes. Here he lies…

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

A most reliable sage, he was credited with cultivating the ability to know when to come in out of the rain, the discovery that the early bird gets the worm and how to take the bitter with the sweet. C.S. also developed sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn), reliable parenting strategies (the adult is in charge, not the kid) and prudent dietary plans (offset eggs and bacon with a little fiber and orange juice).

A veteran of the Industrial Revolution, the Great Depression, the Technological Revolution and the Smoking Crusades, C.S. survived sundry cultural and educational trends including disco, the men's movement, body piercing, whole language and new math.

C.S.'s health began declining in the late 1960s when he became infected with the If-It-Feels-Good, Do-It virus. In the following decades his waning strength proved no match for the ravages of overbearing federal and state rules and regulations and an oppressive tax code. C.S. was sapped of strength and the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, criminals received better treatment than victims and judges stuck their noses in everything from Boy Scouts to professional baseball and golf. His deterioration accelerated as schools implemented zero-tolerance policies. Reports of 6-year-old boys charged with sexual harassment for kissing classmates, a teen suspended for taking a swig of Scope mouthwash after lunch, girls suspended for possessing Midol and an honor student expelled for having a table knife in her school lunch were more than his heart could endure.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job they failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Panadol, sun lotion or a sticky plaster to a student; but, could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

As the end neared, doctors say C.S. drifted in and out of logic but was kept informed of developments regarding regulations on low-flow toilets and mandatory air bags. Finally, upon hearing about a government plan to ban inhalers from 14 million asthmatics due to a trace of a pollutant that may be harmful to the environment, C.S. breathed his last. Services was at Whispering Pines Cemetery. C.S. was preceded in death by his wife, Discretion; one daughter, Responsibility; and one son, Reason. He is survived by two step-brothers, Half-Wit and Dim-Wit.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

Rest In Peace, my old friend.

The Reason Why we Have Aneurysms...

The Final Destination beat out Inglorious Basterds at the box-office...it is now No. 1 while Quentin Tarantino's masterpiece that's actually good is No. 2.

Do you hear that? That's the sound of several thousand Quentin Tarantino fans having their first aneurysm...

God, people are stupid...

What People Know...

"The individual is smart, the group is stupid" is basically what I'm getting at here... Really, I don't give a crap about any of this. Just throwing it out there.

• Nearly one-third of Americans (29 percent) think the Constitution guarantees a job. Forty-two percent think it guarantees health care. And 75 percent think it guarantees a high school education.
• Forty-five percent think the communist tenet "from each according to his abilities, to each according to his needs" is part of the U.S. Constitution.
• More Americans recognize the Nike advertising slogan "Just do It" than know where the right to "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness" is set forth (79 percent versus 47 percent).
• Ninety percent know that Bill Gates is the founder of the company that created the Windows operating system. Just over half (53 percent) correctly identified Alexander Hamilton as a Founding Father.
• Fewer than half of adults (47 percent) can name their own representative in Congress.
• Fewer than half of voters could identify whether their congressman voted for the use of force in the Persian Gulf War.
• Just 30 percent of adults could name Newt Gingrich as the congressman who led Republican congressional candidates in signing the contract with America. Six months after the GOP took congress, 64 percent admitted they did not know.
• A 1998 poll by the Pew Research Center for the People and the Press showed that 56 percent of Americans could not name a single Democratic candidate for president; 63 percent knew the name "Bush," but it wasn't clear that voters connected the name to George W. Bush.
• According to a January 2000 Gallup poll, 66 percent of Americans could correctly name Regis Philbin when asked who hosts Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, but only 6 percent could correctly name Dennis Hastert when asked to name the speaker of the House of Representatives in Washington.

Remember, I don't care about any of this crap.

GWRIT Essay: What's Wrong with Being Selfish?

Something I wrote for my writing class last year. Thought I'd post it up, see what you guys think.

What’s Wrong with Being Selfish?

We have been taught our entire lives to be courteous, generous and selfless. Modern society has deemed it correct and moral for its individuals to consistently put others before themselves, and to place the needs of the group over the needs of the individual. Whenever someone commits an act that contradicts these mores, he or she is often deemed “immoral” and branded the cruel title of being (shudder) “selfish.” Yes, as of today, the title of being selfish has been determined, by social standings and the general consensus (with a little nudge from our friend Jesus of Nazareth and the fellows of the Church), to be taboo. This in turn places a brand of disgust upon those who would do things in their own names and not for their fellow man. In other words, those who commit “selfish” acts are condemned by society’s standards to be of “a lower standing” than those who are considered selfless.

Through this reasoning, modern society has put a small stigma on any action that can be labeled as being selfish. But is being selfish really so bad? Is it not possible to be a good, moral human being and still be selfish? We as a society often place any decision made by people on a spectrum with “selflessness” on one side, and “selfishness” on the other side. When placed next to the spectrum of “good vs. evil,” “selfishness” is always synonymous with “evil.” But why should this be so? Being selfish is not as bad as most people make it out to be as it is human nature to look out for one’s self interest over the interests of a group and should not be considered as such.

The spectrum of “selflessness vs. selfishness” is ultimately flawed by human nature, due to the fact that it has become extremely difficult to determine where on the spectrum an action falls. George Morgan Jr. explains it very well in his essay “Selfishness and Unselfishness” when he says that our natural instincts tend to label the actual effects of certain actions rather than the motive behind the action as selfish. We tend to condemn the actions of others who appear to exclude or injure the interests of others regardless of whether or not the individuals were thinking about themselves or not. For example, when a child refuses to share his or her toys with the other children, the child is considered selfish. But when a businessman decides to open up a park that will bring millions of dollars for himself and his company, no one condemns him because people deem his actions as “publicly beneficent.” (Morgan 402) In the end, it does not seem to matter if someone’s motive behind an action is selfish. Through this reasoning, if the effects of that action exclude the people around the individual, they are labeled as being selfish.

But what is being selfish? For the answer to that question, I look to Russian-American novelist, philosopher, playwright, and screenwriter Ayn Rand and her book The Virtue of Selfishness. In modern society and in the culture that surrounds it, “the word ‘selfishness’ is a synonym of evil […] yet the exact meaning and dictionary definition of the word ‘selfishness’ is: concern with one’s own interests (Rand 5).” So, by definition, being selfish is to be concerned with the interests of the individual alone. Really? That is what all the argument is all about? The definition itself has no actual moral connotations, but we place the moral implication along with the definition. So why do we spurn those who act on “selfish whims?” Why is the effect of an action more important than the motive behind it? And why is how beneficiary to others the only criterion of moral value? Is modern society today trying to say that so long as an action is beneficial to anybody other than oneself, anything goes?

If we continue this line of thought, that as long as an action is beneficent to anybody other than oneself, we slowly begin to find problems with this: “A young man who gives up his career in order to support his parents and never rises beyond the rank of grocery clerk is regarded as morally superior to the young man who endures an excruciating struggle and achieves his personal ambition (Rand 6).” The young man who supports his parents may be considered a good and moral person, willing to sacrifice his career for the wellbeing of his parents, but he will not be able to fulfill any of his life’s dreams in the long run. He may be deemed a hero by those around him, but was it really worth it?

I believe that it is all right to be selfish. Being selfish merely means to act in one’s rational self-interest. The term “rational self-interest” means that an individual can prove, logically, that an action of the individual is in his or her own self-interest, not only in the long run but in the short run as well. In other words, the individual is actively thinking about what will bring them ultimate happiness or what will bring them further in life. According to Michael J. Hurd, an American psychotherapist, broadcast radio show host, author, public speaker, commentator, a selfish person can give to charity. They only give to charity if and when they choose. “A selfish person is not ‘stingy.’ He simply values the use of his own judgment in making decisions about how to spend his money.” If a human being truly loves another person, it will always hurt them if they lie to that person. So, in order to give themselves peace and happiness, they may choose to never lie to his or her loved ones. So, if it will hurt a person to not give to charity, then the obvious answer would be to give to charity so that they can be happy with themselves. The idea that is stated here is that a person who commits selfish acts can still help others and love others just as well as any other person. They are just acting on selfish motives.

If you think about it, our society is mainly built upon selfish desires and actions that are in our own self-interest. For example, if a mother loves her son and she wants her son to love her, then of course she is going to give him money so he can buy a bicycle. Do you really believe that the owner of Olive Garden is really serving the needs of the community when he or she provides good food and a clean atmosphere? The owner is merely providing what he or she can so that the he or she and the restaurant can make a profit and beat the competition. Most doctors and physicians are also not providing the best treatment and care that they can out of a sense of altruism. They provide the best care they can because they are both financially and emotionally rewarded for their efforts (Hurd).

As you can tell, this society is almost built upon individuals that work through selfish motives. This society laid the foundations for individuals to freely pursue their own self-interests and while everyone pursues these personal interests through their own means, usually everyone benefits in the long run. And this is part of what Hurd calls “rational self-interest” which is when an individual is acting in his or her own self-interest while accepting responsibility for determining what truly serves their long-term interest. Like stated before, if a person knows that giving to charity or not lying to a loved one will serve their long-term and short-term interest, then that is when the individual is being rationally self-interested. If you accept that you are in fact acting in a selfish way, then you can continue to see which actions will be most beneficial to you as an individual and also, see which actions will be beneficial to, not only yourself, but also to the people who you want to benefit from this action. In the end, this may be the only way to actually be selfish, because when we are about to commit a selfish act, or even make a simple decision, we always weigh the pros and cons before we act. In this way, we can be rationally self-interested by simply weighing the pros and cons before we make a decision.

Being selfless and altruistic has long been deemed the desirable way to live, but it can only take you so far. As stated by Ayn Rand “the first thing [a man] learns [when being altruistic] is that morality is his enemy; he has nothing to gain from it, he can only lose (6).” So why spend any time doing something that can be considered selfless by the other people in society when it will not benefit you in anyway? It is your own life and you should be living it in any way possible to achieve whatever goal or aspiration you wish. You can still be selfish and help the people you love. You will just be acting with a selfish motive and you will be able to recognize which actions can benefit you in which ways.

In the end, being selfish does not require any change in lifestyle. In fact, you may continue to live your life in the exact same way as you have been doing before you read this article. All that will have changed is the simple act of recognizing that whatever actions you may be committing will most likely have selfish motives behind them. There may also come a time in your life where you may be caught between two choices: one being the selfless option and the other being the selfish option. Whatever you choose, you should continue to keep in mind that you should always keep your personal interests at the forefront when you make the decision. I now close with the following statement by Michael J. Hurd: “We live in a world, which does not even recognize the option of rational selfishness. We are taught, from childhood, that we must be either self-sacrificing or thoughtlessly ‘selfish.’ I maintain that this is a false alternative. Rational selfishness, if practiced consistently, is the means of living both a moral and psychologically healthy life. If you choose to recognize this alternative, such a life can be yours.” Living as a selfish person will benefit yourself throughout the course of your life. When you look carefully and commit to the decisions that will benefit yourself, then you may find that your life will be better and you will be happier.

Works Cited

Hurd, Michael J. "What's So Bad About Being Selfish?." Capitalism Magazine. 23 Sep 1999. 16 Mar 2009 .

Morgan Jr., George. "Selfishness and Unselfishness." The Journal of Philosophy 37(1940): 401-407.

Rand, Ayn. The Virtue of Selfishness. New York City: The Penguin Group, 1964.

Review: Inglorious Basterds (film)

Wow...where the hell do I even begin?

The Good

First of all, let's get something straight: this is a Quentin Tarantino movie, not your typical action flick. Sure there are amazing action films that had me laughing and giggling with joy for the better half of...my life. But, typical of Quentin Tarantino, it involves some very smart dialogue and some scenes that are all just about people talking. One scene, I'm pretty sure is close to 15 minutes of just two people talking (which is a very long time). In short, this movie is long.

But that's what is so great about it.

Right off the bat, we are treated to a Nazi "Jewhunter" talking in a very friendly tone to a Frenchman about some rather mundane stuff (cows, milk, jews, stuff like that). But you can practically taste the tension as you realize that he is hiding 5 jews under his floorboards. And I don't know about you guys, but I was simply and utterly HORRIFIED when they started shooting up the floor to kill these poor people. We went from cows to killing jews in around 20 minutes, but the build-up is simply and utterly astounding! If this doesn't get an Academy for Best Writing, I'm getting me some Nazi scalps in protest!

And a thought occurs to me while I was watching the movie: I have absolutely no idea what Brad Pitt's real voice sounds like! In each of his movies I've seen him in, he's talking in a different accent or something so I don't have a picture in my head of what his voice is like. But that really is good acting, which Brad Pitt is absolutely. A great actor! He plays a hilariously brutal man who hate's Nazis with a passion. He deserves an Academy or at least a nomination.

Then there's the Nazi Jewhunter. He is sooooooo interesting to watch! One minute he's pleasantly wonderful and the kind of guy you'd buy a drink in a heartbeat! The next minute, he's strangling a woman to death with his bare hands...and it seems...so natural!

However, the story itself (in true Quentin Tarantino form) is extremely complex. You have several characters and they all play their role. The jewish woman, whose name escapes me at the moment, is ultimately out for revenge as she tries to burn down the Nazi's while they flee (EEEEEEEEEEEEHEHEHEEEEHEE!!!!!!!!!! LOOKIT 'EM RUN!!!1!!!!!). But her story so well done that I actually wanted her to succeed and I was heartbroken as to what happened to her.

The Bad

Nothing. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this movie.

Just a word of warning: it's slow and oftentimes brutal. I don't think this is bad because it doesn't detract from the story. It's slow for a reason: to make you feel the tension and breath a sigh of relief when the tension is broken (by a death or something else). However, the ending oh so satisfying.

Conclusion

This movie is simply amazing. It is pretty much what every sane person dreams of doing to Hitler. In fact, the entire story is one giant What If. What If the United States sent in a team just to kill as many Nazi's as possible? What if Hitler was turned into swiss cheese by gunfire (I'm not even kidding, that's what happens to him). Sure, it can be slow, but its slow for a reason. The fights are short but brutal and effective. The characters are colorful and interesting and purely dynamic. The writing was simply the best I've ever seen in a Quentin Tarantino movie...or ever, for that matter. You simply must watch it. You won't regret it.

All hail Hugo and the Bear Jew!

G.I. Joe...meh

I don't know much about the G.I. Joe's (didn't really get into them as a child) but here's what I can remember about them:

• They weren't pussies (especially Duke motherfucking Hazard and his relationship with the Baroness)
• Snake Eyes didn't wear a gay rubber suit, just a black cloth thingy that was meant to mirror Storm Shadow's clothes (because they're opposites). The only difference is that Snake Eyes is more ripped than Storm Shadow (actually, I don't really remember Snake Eyes at all, but hey, he's badass regardless).
• The G.I. Joes didn't need fucking mechanical suits to make them run faster and be tougher (or nanomachines for that matter). They just. fucking. were. They were the best of the best.
• Scarlett actually did things...like be useful.

Granted, the movie was enjoyable to an extent. Altogether, it's just one cliche plot point after another. If you've watched every action movie in the history of mankind, you're not missing much in this movie. Everything in the film has been done before and better.

However, there were some interesting plot points. The relationship between Storm Shadow and Snake Eyes was very interesting to watch, but it was extremely half-assed with seemingly no effort put into the sequences whatsoever. There could have been so much more, but no, the American audiences don't want story or plot. They want action. Heck, I could probably string together a series of cool CGI scenes of a bunch of guys beating the shit out of each other for 2 hours. There would be no plot, no character development, just a bunch of CGI guys beating the ever loving daylights out of each other and I'd make millions out of it.

Oh, wait...

*looks at Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen*

Okay, fine, here's my action film: two interdemensional beings called Planewalkers are duking it out for no apparent reason. These guys can control the fabric of space and time, so these guys can travel wherever they want, whenever they want. The fight goes from among the thousands of galaxies in our universe to inside of Michael Bay's anus to the surface of an atom to the surface of the universe itself, revealed to inhabit the space between the atoms of a purple blade of grass (Stephen King to thank for that). They'd be going all out: planets would get destroyed in the process, people would get killed, old grandma's would be dismembered, they'd be running up buildings (destroying them, naturally) and throwing each other into/onto baby carriages. Hell, entire galaxies would be eaten up everytime they breathed. The battle would end after a good 2 hours and 45 minutes with one of the guys grabbing a nearby planet and chucking it at the other guy. Yeah, you heard me. The guy grabs a freakin' planet (random one mind you) and throws it at the other guy. The death would be just as badass as how Chewbacca dies (they drop a moon on him, btw. Yeah. A moon. Right on top of him. And he just roars at it as he dies. Bad. Ass.).

There, I just successfully made more money than God and I didn't even break a sweat. But you get my point. People don't care about story anymore they just want to be entertained. They don't want to think and you know what, that's fine and dandy, but in the end, I believe film is a serious medium and should be treated as such. I just wish directors/producers would actually take the time and effort to make a movie mean something important.

In the end, the movie's enjoyable to an extent. I especially think those mechanical suits would be fun as hell to run around in. But, don't take this movie seriously or you will be seriously disappointed. Not worth the money, really. Just download off of bittorrent or limewire or whatever the hell you use to download porn, I don't care.

Needs sleepies.

Every new beginning is some other beginning's end...

A thought occurred to me while I was rambling in the corner about how Anette Olzon, despite being a good singer by all accounts, cannot replace Tarja Turunen as lead singer of Nightwish. Stories play a rather big role in throughout human history. History is told, legends are told, myths become much more awesome over time, stuff like that. Without stories, we could never escape from this mundane feeling called life. It doesn't matter if its a magnum opus like Der Ring des Nibelungen by Richard Wagner or small and pathetic like my FanFics. It doesn't matter if it's a book, a film, or a video game. Most people nowadays like a good story, even if its just a story told by a drunken friend about how she would totally do Shagrath of Dimmu Borgir because he's as dreamy as Duke Devlin.

Now where was I...oh right. One thing that most people seem to forget that it's not the end or the beginning that truly matters. It's the journey and how you got there. The people you met and the people you said farewell to. But I know you guys. You deny the Grey Havens, deny the Republic of Heaven, deny the 19 years later, and deny the returning of the main character back to the beginning in an endless cycle of Hell. You want a good ending. You want to put down the book and breathe a sigh of relief. But what exactly does a good ending entail? Let's find out.

First of all, let's get one thing straight: there is no such thing as a happy ending. People romanticize this so much that it's not even funny (and I couldn't think of a joke for it). A happy ending is not realistic. Plus, you don't know if it really is a happy ending. For all we know, Harry Potter becomes an angry drunk that constantly beats his children and his wife after the 19 years later scene. So, no there are no happy ending. There are just endings. BUT! This doesn't mean that an ending cannot end happily. This just means that the characters are happy. And isn't that all we really want in a story? For the characters to be happy (as far as we know)?

So, you have just read a book. You have grown to love the characters. You felt fear when they did, you felt compassion when they cried and you went AWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!! when they confessed their love for someone (or something, depending on what you're reading). In want to know that these characters come out okay.

So what is a good ending? The ending to Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows would be considered a good ending. Everyone's happy, right? So to all you people who were in my senior seminar class who thought the ending to Harry Potter sucked (you know who you are), you can just suck it because it was a good ending because everyone was happy!

Idiot: "But Tim,you handsome, charming yet oddly single, Newtonian Metalhead, you spent all your time detailing what you thought was a good ending, but what about books such as His Dark Materials, which ends where no one is happy?"

Well, stupid idiot (and thank you by the way!), that would be a bad ending, wouldn't it? Granted, there is hope that Lyra and Will will meet each other again when they die, however, at the moment they aren't happy. But how about a story where no one is happy? Animorphs.

Rachel dies, Jake goes emo on us all, Tobias hates Jake, Cassie has to live with some jerk no one cares about because Jakes gone emo, and Marco...well, he's Marco and no one cares about him. And Ax? Killed when he is assimilated by the One, whoever the hell he is. No one is happy! This story's ending is horrible! We have come to care and love these characters, K.A. Applegate, how dare you make them not happy! Granted, war changes all things and there is bound to be some changes to their personality and they'll probably have to deal with PTSD, but still! We want them to be happy! We want them to be smiling because they won the war and can finally pursue their romantic interests! WTF!?!?!?!?!?

So that's my shpeel. Tell me what you think has a good ending and what has a bad ending in the comments below if you want. Or not, I can't stop you.

Cheers.

Review: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Yup, I got to see Harry Potter opening night. It was packed, I was hot and halfway through the movie, I had to pee. Badly. Like when the movie finally ended, I had the most...orgasmic pee, ever.

So, I'm a Harry Potter fan. I love it, I really do. I've read them all through at least three times already. So does the movie hold up to the book? Let's find out, shall we?

BTW, I'm assuming everyone has already read the book, read it again, had sex with it, fell asleep with it in your arms, woke up the next morning and found it was gone. So, spoilers abound below.

The Good

First of all, get it out of your head that it has to be completely like the book, because it isn't. It basically follows the basic outline of the book but ultimately comes away from it entirely. And you know what? This is fine! It really is! Because there is enough they put into the film to satisfy everyone.

Don't think that because it doesn't follow the book, it means that it is going to be bad. When are people going to realize that they can't fit everything from the book into the movie without making 4 hours long? Of course things are going to be taken out because you people can't pay attention to anything for more than an hour before you start itching to blow something up.

But what they did leave in and what they added in was phenomenal. You'll notice that there is a lot of moments where you will literally laugh because...well it was freaking hilarious! The kinds of coming-of-age crap people go through is just funny to watch. There's an entire plot line where Ron is hounded by a crazy, obsessed girl named Lavender. This entire thing is just really amazingly good fun. At that point, I didn't care which parts was in the book and which parts were. Plus, who else doesn't want to see a Harry who is completely acting stoned? ON LUCK!!!!!!!

Don't think for a moment that its all fun and games, though, because this movie is dark. And I mean "I can't believe this movie got away with a PG rating" dark. Yes, this movie is rated PG and I can't believe they got away with it. One particular scene that was pretty dark was a scene where Harry has to force Dumbledore to drink a potion that causes him extreme pain and agony. This was pretty hard to watch because we begin to see Dumbledore beg Harry to kill him and Harry continues to give him this potion. Plus, Dumbledore dies so I don't know how that worked out with the rating guys.

Not to say I thought the dark scenes were bad; far from it. They were exceptionally good and well done. The intensity was perfect and I wanted more. I'm just surprised that a movie this dark got only a PG rating.

As for the actors, only a couple of them really shined. The one I feel shined the most was Tom Felton, who played Draco Malfoy. In this movie, he is played as far from an evil, comic relief character into a scared individual who is afraid of failing and in essence, afraid of dying. In one scene, we see him finally break down and begin to cry when everything seems hopeless. These little things are what really makes his character so interesting and so three-dimensional.

In essence, all the actors have really matured and have truly gotten to become better actors in the long time we have known them.

The Bad

They have once again rushed the ending. I remember the ending in the book lasting about 50-100 pages after Dumbledore dies. Instead, there is a good five minutes of wrap up after he dies and then boom. Credits roll. Why are so many directors afraid to drag out the ending? I mean, it worked in Lord of the Rings why shouldn't it work for Harry Potter?

For instance, the end confrontation between Snape and Harry was a good two minutes long compare to the actual emotional 10 minutes I envisioned. This in turn made the revelation that Snape was the Half-Blood Prince (oooooooooo, spoiler), very lackluster and anti-climactic. This maybe that the actor for Snape can't yell or scream to save his life (I've seen him in a couple of movies but I've never actually seen him shout at all).

I also remember that the Death Eaters didn't just walk up to Dumbledore, kill him and then walk out. I kind of remember Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Luna, Neville and some of the teachers actually try to stop them. I understand you have to cut out some things, but that was kind of a big plot hole you left out.

On another note, when Dumbledore died, I felt nothing for Harry. Daniel Radcliffe, I think, is not that good of an actor. Sure, he can be funny, but he can't really be emotional. Dumbledore is dead! You're supposed to be crying! You're supposed to be sad! You're supposed to be grabbing his chest and pushing his body, trying to wake him up! I got none of that!

Closing

This film completely kills all the previous movies, in my opinion. I loved it. It was funny, it was dark, it was romantic, it had something for everyone. If you can overlook a bunch of little (and I mean, little) stuff, then you're in for a treat. Because this movie is truly about relationships between different people, and the director did a great job on that. I heartily recommend this movie to all who like the book or for those who have never read the books before.

Oh, and if you can stand the trailer for New Moon (pause for screaming fan girls at the sight of a shirtless werewolf thingy), then you should watch it anyways.

Cheers.