G.I. Joe...meh

I don't know much about the G.I. Joe's (didn't really get into them as a child) but here's what I can remember about them:

• They weren't pussies (especially Duke motherfucking Hazard and his relationship with the Baroness)
• Snake Eyes didn't wear a gay rubber suit, just a black cloth thingy that was meant to mirror Storm Shadow's clothes (because they're opposites). The only difference is that Snake Eyes is more ripped than Storm Shadow (actually, I don't really remember Snake Eyes at all, but hey, he's badass regardless).
• The G.I. Joes didn't need fucking mechanical suits to make them run faster and be tougher (or nanomachines for that matter). They just. fucking. were. They were the best of the best.
• Scarlett actually did things...like be useful.

Granted, the movie was enjoyable to an extent. Altogether, it's just one cliche plot point after another. If you've watched every action movie in the history of mankind, you're not missing much in this movie. Everything in the film has been done before and better.

However, there were some interesting plot points. The relationship between Storm Shadow and Snake Eyes was very interesting to watch, but it was extremely half-assed with seemingly no effort put into the sequences whatsoever. There could have been so much more, but no, the American audiences don't want story or plot. They want action. Heck, I could probably string together a series of cool CGI scenes of a bunch of guys beating the shit out of each other for 2 hours. There would be no plot, no character development, just a bunch of CGI guys beating the ever loving daylights out of each other and I'd make millions out of it.

Oh, wait...

*looks at Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen*

Okay, fine, here's my action film: two interdemensional beings called Planewalkers are duking it out for no apparent reason. These guys can control the fabric of space and time, so these guys can travel wherever they want, whenever they want. The fight goes from among the thousands of galaxies in our universe to inside of Michael Bay's anus to the surface of an atom to the surface of the universe itself, revealed to inhabit the space between the atoms of a purple blade of grass (Stephen King to thank for that). They'd be going all out: planets would get destroyed in the process, people would get killed, old grandma's would be dismembered, they'd be running up buildings (destroying them, naturally) and throwing each other into/onto baby carriages. Hell, entire galaxies would be eaten up everytime they breathed. The battle would end after a good 2 hours and 45 minutes with one of the guys grabbing a nearby planet and chucking it at the other guy. Yeah, you heard me. The guy grabs a freakin' planet (random one mind you) and throws it at the other guy. The death would be just as badass as how Chewbacca dies (they drop a moon on him, btw. Yeah. A moon. Right on top of him. And he just roars at it as he dies. Bad. Ass.).

There, I just successfully made more money than God and I didn't even break a sweat. But you get my point. People don't care about story anymore they just want to be entertained. They don't want to think and you know what, that's fine and dandy, but in the end, I believe film is a serious medium and should be treated as such. I just wish directors/producers would actually take the time and effort to make a movie mean something important.

In the end, the movie's enjoyable to an extent. I especially think those mechanical suits would be fun as hell to run around in. But, don't take this movie seriously or you will be seriously disappointed. Not worth the money, really. Just download off of bittorrent or limewire or whatever the hell you use to download porn, I don't care.

Needs sleepies.